The Business of Motherhood (this is long)

I have worked on this post for a long time. I actually wonder whether I wrote this to be read by others or just for me to express myself. Some things you might agree with. Some things might be "old news" to you. Some things might chafe a little- you may disagree. This is my space to think out my feelings and beliefs, and I allow you to disagree if you wish. Here are some things I have been researching, pondering, and talking about lately.


I am so grateful for modern medicine. I am amazed at things that doctors and science are able to accomplish-- we hear of new miracles God is working through these hands every day. But... they AREN'T God. You DON'T have to do EVERYTHING your OB says, just because he said it. He is your doctor, and he is (usually) trying to do what he thinks is best for you and your baby. But he isn't God. He isn't your mother. He isn't YOU. Only YOU can know your body, you know what absolutely feels right for you, only you can make choices for you. (I'm not saying don't ever listen to a medical professional, btw- just don't follow blindly- listen to your intuition, listen to God and what HE tells you is right for you with equal weight as you do your doctor.) I was blessed to have wonderful OB's that were very respectful and kind towards me, my wishes and my babies. I am grateful that I delivered in a hospital that was very baby-friendly, and everything happened that I wanted out of birth at that time. Both deliveries with my two children were pretty routine- nothing went wrong, I felt safe and listened to, and I was happy with those experiences.

I don't know if I could honestly be satisfied NOW with another hospital birthing experience like my first two. As well as they went, I just don't want the same things anymore. I have learned so much about birthing in the past month or two, and I am equally, if not more amazed at the miracles that WOMEN are performing on their OWN, without drugs and hospital procedures and interventions, empowered and free.

At this point, the first thing out of everyone's mouth that I have talked to this about was "didn't you have an epidural with both your babies?". I did- but I'm not ashamed of that. I shouldn't feel ashamed of that- although I admit when this was said to me I felt ashamed. I am not. Like I said, I am happy with the experiences that I had in the hospital- they really were just what I wanted at each time in my life. My perspective is different as I look back. I'm also trying not to let that sentence be a discouraging factor in what I NOW want for my next birthing experience. I've read some about Hypnobabies, and I really don't know all of what that class teaches, and I'm not sure I'm sold on the idea, but one thing I did like about what I read was how it focuses on positive thoughts and feelings. I've tried to take that into my life and just be more positive overall. It's healthier that way. :)

A big reason that I want a drug-free/intervention-free birth the next time is the BOND created between mother and child. I don't want my baby to have to come into the world fighting to stay awake because I've flooded his system with dangerous drugs so I can have the convenience of a pain-free birth. I want him (or her) to be awake, alert, and ready to greet the world. I don't want his/her first introduction to the world to be cold metal instruments and strange pokes and prods and pains and everything that doesn't smell like MOM and confusion! I want it to be peaceful, I want Thomas and I to be the first faces and hands he sees and feels, to be safe and loved and comforted. I want to FEEL everything. I want to be able to actually move around and feel when I'm pushing and feel what the heck my muscles are doing. I want it to truly be an experience, not just something that happens to me.


Looking back on my first experience with pregnancy and labor and birth, I realize that I was gravely under-educated to actually give birth naturally. It was always a sort of goal, but it wasn't something we strove for. We didn't make a birth plan [mostly because I felt sort of discouraged from doing so by care providers. "These things never go how you plan them, dear." It didn't bother me at the time.] It was sort of a "we'd like to do it naturally, but we'll see how it goes" sort of commitment. I think the most motivating factor for me in wanting to birth naturally (without drugs) was the money- I felt very poor and I didn't want to have to burden my poor student husband with a big anesthesiologist bill on top of everything else. Not really a grounding factor in the face of labor pains.)

We attended the hospital-sponsored Lamaze-influenced birthing class, a 6-hour or so stint where they shoved everything they could into your head. I retained about 25% of it, mostly the stuff about how to care for the baby and how to sign for an epidural and what happens if you have to have a C-section. I remembered a little about the "focus point" and imagery and stuff to deal with pain but I didn't practice it. I didn't use it. I didn't train for birth. I just waited for it to happen and hoped everything would go ok. I don't think I'm alone in this either. I read an article that talks about this phenomenon, how women aren't educating themselves but relying on what doctors or nurses tell them. I was blessed with good doctors and nurses and I always felt safe in my birth experiences, but I know that isn't always what happens. It amazes me the number of stories I have read about OB's and L&D nurses that will LIE to women so the woman's birth goes according to the doctor's timetable. "If you don't ____ then your baby will die." "You have to get a cesarean because you've 'failed to progress'". I am shocked by this. It seems to me that birth has become a commercial "business" for many doctors. I don't want this for myself, ever. I am grateful to have given birth in a wonderful place.

Birth is not a disease! Birth is perfectly normal. Our bodies are amazing! Unless there is a medical situation that requires some outside intervention, birth will go just fine. A woman should prepare to allow her body to do what it needs to do, to listen to her intuition (the Spirit)-- to move where she needs to, to make whatever sounds suit her at the moment, etc. She shouldn't be forced to lay on her back, told to be quiet, and to not make any waves. I'm pretty sure childbirth is the biggest "wave" anyone ever rode- I say a woman should do whatever she needs to do to ride it out!

I think that birthing at home is an AMAZING option for women. It is NOT dangerous as some "experts" make it out to be. Some doctors (and associations) would have you believe that your baby will die if you give birth at home. Lies, lies lies. Birth will go just fine! It has for centuries! A woman's body is MADE for this- when we allow it to do what it was made to do miracles will happen. I believe that if I had not been at a hospital, laying on my back, (at least with Ethan) I would not have felt the need to ask for medication to manage my pain. I really believe that if I had taken adequate childbirth preparation classes I would have been more ready to face the pains and challenges of labor. I'm not really comfortable with unassisted birthing- I want someone who knows birthing intimately at my birth (midwife, doula, etc) to help me help my body do what it needs to do.

NOTE: I do NOT think that giving birth in a hospital is bad! I don't look down at or condemn anyone who chooses that for any reason. I am grateful for modern medicine, and the miracles it can work. I personally would not choose to give birth in a hospital again, barring an emergency medical situation that requires it.

I have learned a lot about "informed consent" and how many times that really isn't truly "informed". When I was in the hospital with Audrey that first time, whatever a nurse or doctor told me needed to be done I allowed- I didn't understand half what the paperwork I signed was, I completely deferred to their experience and what they said would be best. I asked questions sometimes, but I went with the "norm" and I was fine with that.

I do not like that the second time I gave birth, I asked the doctor after Ethan was born if I had torn, and he didn't really answer. He was stitching me up or something, and kind of mumbled something and looked back down. I think one of the nurses said "not much" after that because she could tell I hadn't heard him. I am 99% sure that he cut me (gave me an episiotomy)- not sure if it was because Ethan came so quickly, or if it was just routine, or what. I just don't like that I was lied to about it. Tell it to me straight, doc. But I can't blame anyone those first two times but myself- I was NOT EDUCATED. I didn't search out the knowledge I needed to understand all those options. I am working on that, so next time I give birth I WILL be educated- I will be empowered.
I had wonderful OB's and I loved them for both pregnancies, but I want something more for my next. I don't want to pay someone to show up at the very end of my labor and catch the baby. I want a better support system than a random nurse(s) that I don't even know. I want a caregiver that will stand beside me through all my pregnancy, and through my labor too. I want to trust her when she tells me to do something. Don't misunderstand-- I of course want Thomas to be my support more than anything. He will be my first and best support through all of it. But I just want more from the person who will be delivering my baby.

I am not pregnant now. I will be someday again- hopefully a few more times. I want to be prepared. "if ye are prepared then ye shall not fear". I have lived by this countless times through school, college, etc- why not motherhood too?


I don't write all this to sound soap-boxy or preachy or whatever- I just really had no idea of a lot of my options and how safe they are when I was a first-time pregnant soon-to-be mother. Some great places to get educated online, if you're interested:

Birth Without Fear
- due dates

Banned from Baby Showers
-due dates
- OB model of care vs Midwife model of care
-a decision to home birth must come from within YOU
- epidurals

Birth Faith
-home birth

Mama Birth

Beautiful Children

I just wanted to take a minute and record a few of the cute things my beautiful children did today/recently. Maybe I needed a reminder of how precious and wonderful they are.

Audrey calls marshmallows "smashmallows".

Ethan grabbed my shirt, pulled it down, looked inside and then said very clearly "boo." I think my son has learned a word for boobs.

I was trimming Audrey's fingernails today and she demanded that I then trim her "toneynails" also.

Ethan is getting so good at walking around. He is very proud of himself.

Audrey loves the movie "The 'Credibles'" and walks around going "my name is Crediboy!"

Ethan has at least 6 teeth and he will "cheese" for the camera so you can see all of them.

Audrey also walked around today saying "money money money money money". I can't decide if Mr Krabs from Spongebob is at fault or if it is from Toy Story.


I love my children. :)

Ketchup

I actually don't much care for ketchup (or catsup)- I'd take FRY SAUCE anyday and on ANYTHING before ketchup. Anyway... It's been awhile since my last post. I'll try to cover everything that's happened...

We visited AZ! It was a fun trip, but we were glad to come home. We were so glad to get to visit family- we just missed my step-brother's wedding because of our flight reservations, but we were able to be there when Amanda went through the temple for the first time and we got to go out to dinner with our family. We enjoyed some actually fairly beautiful days there- there were a couple of hot ones too, but actually some nice weather overall. Thomas and I got to go to Sedona overnight to celebrate our 4th anniversary- it was very nice. We took a beautiful hike and went to an awesome little pizza/Italian place called The Hideaway. REALLY good pizza. Like, I want some right now. The kids loved getting to visit grandmas and grandpas. We wish we could have visited my parents a little more, but they were so busy with Brennen's wedding! We are looking forward to the end of June when we will have our Park City PAR-TAY!!!

Thomas is super super busy with Auto and Art work and with MissionShoe. He also has been enjoying his work with the teachers quorum in our ward. I have been accompanying again this semester, a little lighter for the summertime goodness that has become Rexburg. When it's not raining, that is. We had some crazy flooding up here- no one in our ward was flooded out but there was definitely some concern. We are excited to be planting our garden this week! Preparations have begun and we are super stoked.

Thomas had a wonderful birthday (on the 30th, for those of you who were confused by his facebook mischief) and is 26 now for those of us who are counting. ;D

I'm still super obsessed with quilting- I seem to be collecting a vast online stash of bookmarked pages to quilt patterns I'd love to do "someday". I also made my first online fabric purchase (eep!), and I was super pleased with the deals I found. Check out Connecting Threads if you are interested- they have some awesome solids and mirage prints on clearance for $2.96 and under. I love the fabric I got from them, and it shipped way faster than I thought it would! My newest things I want to try: hand quilting a finished quilt, hand quilting (like piecing) and applique. Oh and I should probably get my sewing machine serviced someday.

I have become enamored with the idea of a home birth recently. I stumbled upon a blog a friend posted on facebook, and since then I've been reading lots of "crunchy" birth-type mama blogs and I really REALLY love the idea. I'm not pregnant now- but I just don't know if I could be satisfied with a hospital birth again after having my eyes opened to other options. I guess we will see how I feel when I am pregnant next and follow what feels right for our family. More on this topic (I'm sure) later- I feel like I have a lot to say but I'm not sure I'm ready to share it yet. I'll give it it's own lengthy post sometime. :)

Ethan turned a year old! He is now mostly walking to get around, but he still is faster crawling. He has 6 teeth now- four on top and two on bottom. He loves food, and is learning to feed himself better. He will occasionally use a spoon, but sometimes it gets chucked on the floor. He will eat pretty much whatever as long as he can get big enough bites in his mouth as fast as possible. He loves bread and anything resembling it. He is such a smiley, happy baby! Ethan is such a joy. He is learning more words- so far he can say mama and dada, he makes a sound for "milk" and "more"- kind of just the "mmmm" sound but sometimes he adds a syllable to the end to try and make a word, he makes a sound for "this" and "that" that actually are pretty close. He will "cheese" for the camera and makes a pretty good "cheese" sound too. I'm pretty sure he is the cutest little boy ever. I look at him and sometimes still see him as an infant but I look at how tall he is getting and I realize he is getting to be a toddler! He still loves his thumb and to snuggle when something goes wrong. I read on one of those crunchy mama blogs that one mom had noticed that the growth trend of breastfed babies can be quite different from what the doctor's office charts predict as good growth for babies- they chunk up until 6 months and then they get long and lean. I don't know how true that really is, but I realized that has been the case for both of mine.

Audrey is going to be 3 in September! It's June now, so that's only like... 3 months away?!?! Sheesh I feel weird having a child that old. She still doesn't look that old but she sure acts like it. I remember teaching Sunbeams for a couple years- and I'm starting to notice similarities in the way she acts and the way they acted. Very cool and ... weird. She is potty trained now, except through the night. She will still have accidents, but for the most part she goes on the potty. I expect a longer ride than this because of her independent and headstrong nature- I know there will be bumps in the future. I will write a separate post on the potty journey too, I think. She loves her brother and she loves playing outside. She is a very social girl and loves to play with friends. I took her to the park today and she wanted to play on the tennis courts for the first while because that's where all the kids were! After all that fuss and excitement about playing on the slides! She loves nursery and she has FANTASTIC nursery leaders- I really am continually impressed with how well Audrey learns from them. She comes home knowing more and more primary songs, childrens songs, and about the Gospel. She was eating a snack of peanut butter crackers the other day and she said "mom, this is my spirit" and held up a cracker. Obviously, the whole concept hasn't sunk in yet, but I was impressed that she was talking about it and it gave us a chance to talk about what spirits are.

I wish I could go on and on but my children are awakening from naps and I should try and be a mom for the rest of the day... as much as I want to be a lump. :)