Finley Jones and Charles Lorin

Here is the birth story of Finley Jones and Charles Lorin.

On April 1 I went in for an appointment at Selah (used to be named Agape, it's the same birth center we used for Christian's birth out in Rigby) after not having had an appointment for 7 weeks. At my 21 week appointment, I measured 4 weeks ahead but that was how Christian's pregnancy was so we didn't think too much of it.  I was supposed to be 28 weeks but I was measuring 37, 9 weeks ahead.  Kathy said she didn’t feel comfortable not recommending an ultrasound, so she referred me to Teton Radiology to have an ultrasound done.  I also learned that I was anemic, which explained the tired, breathless feelings I’d been having.  

I was sort of freaking out because of this unexpected thing (pregnancy hormones...) so Thomas took care of scheduling the ultrasound. Thomas got ahold of Teton Radiology and learned it would be more money than we wanted to pay for an ultrasound, and so we decided to have our ultrasound done at Madison Women’s Clinic, which is where I went when pregnant with both Audrey and Ethan.  They could do it and we’d get to meet with Dr. Allred (who we love) and we would have a foot in the door in case anything was discovered that was abnormal or “high risk” and we needed to transfer care.  Turns out Dr. Allred remembered us- he recognized Thomas' voice from down the hall, asked questions about why Thomas was there, and pulled strings so we could be seen that day (April 2) and have the ultrasound done and all that.

The appointment was very short notice, so we had no time to find sitters for the kids, so it was sort of a circus in that little room. It took longer than we expected (surprise, surprise- we didn't remember how doctor's offices worked... it had been too long!) so Thomas had to end up leaving before we even got to see Dr. Allred. He had another meeting to go to, but it wouldn't be long, and he hoped to make it back in time. Well, he didn't. Dr. Allred came in and I explained what had already been explained to numerous staff ad nauseum, that I was measuring large for dates (which he confirmed) and we wanted to have an ultrasound done and his advice once we determined why. We managed to catch Hillary at the end of her shift and she stayed late to do a quickie for us.

I walked back to the ultrasound room with 3 kids in tow and no husband, and she started scanning me and when I saw her switch a label to "Baby B" I asked her "So... am I seeing this right? Are there 2?" She said yes and I started to cry. The kids were like "What??? There's TWO BABIES???" I returned to the little room and Dr. Allred came back. Thomas joined us shortly after- he cried when I told him the news. :)

So we learned we were expecting twin boys, which totally shocked me (Thomas claims he knew all along- I never took his teasing seriously).  We transferred our care to Madison Women’s Clinic with Dr. Allred. This was such a journey for us, to go from wanting a waterbirth at a birth center to deciding to birth in a hospital OR. IT was a hard journey that taught us much. We were blessed with a doctor who listened and respected our desires (and one who did not), and helped us to understand what he felt we needed to ensure we were all healthy and well. The staff there at Madison Women's is definitely not used to women being informed and making choices for themselves without a doctor expressly telling them it's okay. We definitely missed our caring midwives, but we worked on the inspiration of the Spirit that this was where we needed to be for our care. It was hard to trust at times, because things went so well during the entire pregnancy, it seemed unnecessary (glucose test fine, Group B negative, etc). But we knew it was right.

Because we were going to be birthing the twins in the hospital, we decided to hire a doula. Leigh Short was our choice and she was wonderful. We took Hypnobabies with Christian, and we planned on using it again with this birth. Leigh brought such peace and comfort to us through all of this.

We had most all of our appointments with Dr. Allred, only a couple were with Dr. Evans. Our experience with Dr. Evans was not awesome. I don't tolerate lies well from doctors, is all I'll say. We knew we really wanted to have John (Dr. Allred) with us for the birth of our twins. He was so patient with us. We had several false starts to my birthing time, my pressure waves would pick up and establish a pattern, continue for several hours and by bedtime they would settle down. We made it to 37 weeks, 38 weeks, 39, and then 40. At my 40 week appointment we expected Dr. Allred to talk induction with us, but he didn't. He supported us in going as long as the babies and I were healthy.

We were starting to get nervous, however, because the next Monday we knew was Dr. Allred’s last day on call at the hospital.  I felt quite strongly that I didn’t want to have the babies under Dr. Evans.  I prayed about it, and I felt like if Monday came and we ended up going to our appointment, I would ask for an induction.  

Well Sunday night we had lots of birthing waves, no real pattern, but shorter in duration than I’d had in the past.  We even had Michelle and Taylin Mickelsen come over, help with dinner and putting kids to bed.  I hung out in the closet for awhile (it was quiet and dark), listening to music.  It was Morten Lauridsen’s “Lux Aeterna”.   Thomas and I took a walk.  waves began to slow down a bit.  We sat and visited with Michelle.   I went to bed, but ended up getting up at around 4 because I just didn’t want to lay in bed anymore.  

I was still having early birthing waves, so we decided to just head into the hospital that morning, since we knew they wouldn’t turn us away, and we would be ending up there in a few hours anyway.  About 7:30 we left the house.  We checked in, and they put me straight into a room because they knew I was probably going to stay.  We met Leigh there. The nurse asked me questions, hooked me up to some monitors to see what my wave pattern was like. I felt strange, since I had 3 different bands on my belly.  I had my Early First Stage track on in one ear through parts of this.  My pressure waves were still early birthing waves, and didn’t have the kind of pattern they wanted to see, so when we chatted with Dr. Allred he offered us the option of induction.  He recommended breaking my water rather than Pitocin, the baby was low enough there was little risk of anything else coming out first.  I accepted, and asked that they break my water.  He was very supportive of our original plan, making sure that we knew this would be a major deviation from what we originally wanted.  I asked to use the bathroom and for 30 seconds to absorb and change my mental picture.  He was gracious despite being pressed for time to get back to the Clinic.  He broke my water about 9ish (sounded like he had a pretty hard time doing it, too- “membranes of steel” I think he called them) and things started along their way.  

The waves definitely started picking up in intensity over the next hour, which is when my perception of time went AWOL.  I had to have an IV in because my waters were broken.  i always hate that fat needle.  I listened to my First Stage Track as I could, and was irritated when the admissions lady kept coming back with things for us to sign.  It was very hot/stuffy to me in that room, and I was glad for the fan Leigh had gone to get for us.  I went to pee once and dribbled amniotic fluid all the way to/from the bathroom. They took some blood (the phlebotomist lady loved my veins, “I wish I could draw you all day!”) in case I needed to have a C-section or something (they ended up losing it and had to take more later).  I ditched my gross hospital gown and put on my comfy sleep bra.  I got barfy many times, which was awful and I hated. They checked me a few times. Nobody remembered to not tell me how much I was dilated, but I didn’t mind.  The waves were very intense, and I remember wishing so much that I could be in the water at one point.  

I know I spent a lot of time sitting upright, and I spent some time on my knees leaning on the back of the bed.  I started feeling like i had to poop, and they checked me while I was on my knees. I think she said I was 8-9cm but she couldn’t quite tell because of my position.  After that they wheeled me back to the OR.  Somebody covered me up; I was irritated by that because I was so hot but realized in some part of my brain it was for the best. I remember hearing the nurses at the nurse station whispering as I went by, and I felt their excitement for me. I hated going over the bumps at doorways.  We had to pause at the door to the OR for Leigh and Thomas to get their sterile things on.  I remember being really uncomfortable and irritated that we had to move.  The OR was cool but I was so hot I didn’t care one bit- it felt nice to me.  I didn't open my eyes, in fact I kept them closed or covered with a washcloth most of the time I was in there.  Thomas says i was rather snappy when I didn’t like something (a pressure or touch or position or anything) that someone did, but I remember thinking that I was being pretty nice…

Dr Allred came in to check me, and I was still only at an 8 so they had to wait for me to complete ( I later learned he was frustrated they’d called him in too soon).  At one point between waves I whispered “no more, please no more”  but no one in the room answered me.  At that point I do remember it being silent in the room, but it felt full, sacred. Thomas and Leigh would say things to me- helping me keep my mouth loose and open, Ahhhing the baby out, “open, open, open” was my friend.  I remember feeling pushy several times but being told not to push if I felt like I needed to, in case I hadn’t completed dilating.  That kind of stressed me out.  Once I really couldn’t stop pushing (it caught me by surprise, I didn’t feel it so acutely with Christian.  It just hit mid-pressure wave and I sat up and said whoa!  I said (more like hollered, probably) I couldn’t keep from pushing, someone asked if that was okay (maybe Thomas?) and Dr. Allred said if I couldn't help it then it was probably just fine.  He had me roll back onto my back (I had been on my side while I was dilating the last couple cm).  I did not want to be on my back!  But I did it anyway and it wasn’t so bad once I got there.

Pushing did not seem to take very long.  I remember Leigh telling me to “ahhh” and after one wave pushing like that I heard Dr. Allred say “that’s not doing anything” and nurses telling me to hold my breath and push.  I found tucking my head under and bending into a ‘C’ to be helpful.  I didn’t “ahh” but I didn’t really stick with holding my breath either.  I stopped really noticing the wave sensations and just felt pushing urges.  I remember baby’s head crowning and feeling the burning.  I was prepared to enjoy that but I was interrupted by Dr. Allred stretching my perineum and labia around the baby’s head (ok that was an ouch).  Someone reminding me to keep my vocal tones low and relaxed- that helped a lot too.  I only pushed for 8 minutes and Finley Jones Scott was easily born at 12:48pm.  7lbs 2 oz, 20 ¾” long.  No tears!  Yahoo!  He was placed on my tummy and I got to touch him and talk to him.  He was so warm and had a sweet, high, wet-sounding cry.  He wiggled and squirmed.  A nurse said :”;look at that bald head!”  I said “Oh, you’re Here!  I’m so glad you’re here! Happy birthday! I love you!” and a few other things.  It was such a precious few minutes, I’m SO glad to have had them.  Thomas cried. :)  Apgars were 8 and 9.  Thomas got to cut the cord.  I think Finley was only on my tummy for a couple minutes, but it seemed like at least 10 to me.

They got right on listening to Baby B’s heart tones while I was meeting Finley.  I heard someone say “is that the baby’s or is it hers?”   Finley was taken to the NICU, and Dr Allred broke the second bag of waters (I’m pretty sure it squirted my foot) to put an internal monitor on Baby B’s head.  Heart tones were about 80.  I went back down to 8cm dilation, and Baby B stuck his hand out, having slid transverse a bit.  Dr. Allred pushed the hand back and turned Baby B so he was head down again.  He had me push a bit to help this process.  Heart tones dropped to 60, I heard Dr. Allred say to prep for a C-section.  My cervix closed further down to 5 cm, and Baby B’s heart rate dropped to 40.  Dr. Allred called for an emergency C-section.

A side note here- we had been told all through this pregnancy how rare it was to have the first baby born vaginally and the second baby end up a C-section. Dr. Allred told us it had been 10 years since he'd had that happen, when baby A is head down they are born vaginally he said. Both babies were head down so we didn't anticipate it being a problem at all. However, this felt okay. When I heard him call for a C-section, I wouldn’t say I was expecting this to happen, but it felt… right, natural, like I knew it was supposed to be this way.

I finally opened my eyes and actually looked around when this happened, and the room filled with noise and people (they may have been there all along, or maybe some of them, I don’t know.)  I was told to scoot onto this other bed thing (didn’t look much like a bed, more like a stretcher/metal thing), people helped me move because I had started shaking pretty badly.  People were all over the place doing things, all of them in sterile things/face masks and I couldn’t recognize anybody. They were strapping my arms and legs down to the table. Leigh was gone.  Thomas came and stood on my left and held my hand.  I told him everything would be okay.  He said “oh yeah!”  I think I told him I loved him.  He left, they told him he could come back once I was under but they lied.  :)  Stuff was crazy all around me but I was never scared for my life or for the baby’s life.  I knew it was going to be just fine.

The anesthesiologist came up by me head and told me his name, and that he would be taking very good care of me.  I can’t remember his name, (Bob maybe?) but he wore a bandanna underneath his surgical cap.  I liked him- felt safe because of him.  He asked me a few questions, things about allergies to medicines. They put an oxygen mask over my face, and he told me to breathe deeply and to relax.  They strapped my head down I think.  The last thing I remember was him telling me he was going to put something in my IV, the blue sheet going up vertically in front of my face, and a nurse came over and started tapping on my throat.  She apologized and said “It helps with…”, but I missed the rest because I went under.

Thomas had gone around to wait for Baby B in the NICU and to be with Finley.  Charles Lorin Scott was born at 1:08pm via emergency C-section, pooping and peeing all over the nurses. 7lbs 11oz, 21” long.  Apgars 8 and 9 again.  Both babies were completely healthy and didn’t spend more time in the NICU than it took for me to be ready for them in recovery, for lack of another place to be.  

I don’t remember anything until the recovery room, although Thomas says I woke up still in the OR and talked to people and asked questions.  I was very groggy, couldn’t keep my eyes open, and couldn’t breathe right.  It made me panicky.  I couldn’t talk very well either, my voice was really croaky and weak for at least a day.  I think I asked the same questions over and over.  I got to hold my babies, and someone helped me feed them.  I couldn’t see them very well because my eyes wouldn’t stay open very long.  I know Dr. Allred came in to see me, I don’t recall all of what he said, but I know he said that there was nothing anyone could have done differently, my C-section wasn’t caused by anything, it wasn’t anything we did or chose, it just happened.  I think the anesthesiologist came in to see me.  People kept saying I was nauseated and couldn’t have food but I was confused by that because I never remembered saying it, I only remembered saying that I was dizzy.  I think I ate some Jello at some point (it was blue?) but it made me feel sick.  Things were all kind of fuzzy.  Thomas was so excited for me to see the babies and to see which looked like which name we had thought about, but because I couldn’t see very well or stay awake I don’t think we talked about names until the next day. About 7pm I was able to move to the Mother/Baby unit.  

Recovering from the general anesthesia was worse than any pain I felt from the c-section.  I was nervous that it would hurt a ton, but the nurses were super good about keeping me up on my pain meds and I was never in severe pain.  I was on oxygen through a nose tube thing for about a day after the births, since I still got dizzy.  It dried out my nose for days and my nose would bleed for about a week after.  I had a catheter for pee and for extra fluid from my uterus.  I also got these lovely foot massagy things that were neat for the first few hours but they got old.  They kept me from sleeping.  I got really dizzy the first time I got up (to pee and to shower)- like smelling salts dizzy. After that, though I got a lot better at getting up. I could get up to pee by myself just fine by the time we went home Wednesday night.

Throughout this whole process as I drifted through varying states of consciousness I remember vividly feeling other people with me - I know I was never alone, there were always nurses or somebody around me, but I could feel hands on my shoulder that could not be seen on this side of the veil.  I could hear whispered words of encouragement that nobody else could hear but me.  I KNOW we were watched over as we went through this. I know that there were people on both sides that were excited about these boys coming. I never ever thought I'd have a C-section, let alone be happy because of one, but I am glad we were in the place we needed to be so that Charlie could stay with us here on Earth. I'm grateful that we had Dr. Allred there- I trusted him fully and that was so comforting.  The outcome was very different than we planned or expected, but I know it was right for me, for each boy, and for our family.

Thinking Double

When I was pregnant with Christian, for the first while Thomas and I both thought it was twins.  We came up with that impression independently.  It grew until it really consumed me to the point of me freaking out about having my planned birth center birth, since in Idaho you cannot deliver twins anywhere but in a hospital and THAT really freaked me out.  I scheduled an appt with my old OB to have an ultrasound, but cancelled two days later it because I just couldn't do it.  Finally around 12ish weeks I went to the midwife to see if she felt two babies in there.  I felt silly going, because that week I'd started to question if it really was twins, doubting what I'd felt so sure about earlier.  She only felt one, and there was only one heartbeat, which by that time I figured was probably the case.  The pregnancy was normal other than that.  But now, after Christian was born, there are still times I look around wondering in a sudden panic, “Where’s the other one???”  It always seems to be a girl baby that I instinctively look for, which is how I pictured the “baby” in my hypnosis sessions.  I pictured a girl with dark brown hair like me, about 5 years old at first.  Then it changed to a little baby of unknown gender.  I still feel that "where's the other one???" ... like... multiple times a day.  Ethan has asked me before "Where's the other one?" he never explained it but he did ask and then moved on to another question.  This morning he gave me a silky, gave Christian a silky, and then said "This one's for the twin".  I'm not sure what he meant because he wouldn't explain it, but... I really wonder if there were twins in there and one didn't take.  I know it's incredibly common to have it happen, usually before we could even know about it.  I don't feel sad or feel I am missing a piece of our family, because I know there will be more children to meet me one day, but it does make me thoughtful.

The Birth Story of Christian Michael

Christian Michael Scott was born at 7:03 on Monday morning, June 11, 2012.  A full 2 weeks "early", he weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce and was 20 inches long.  Here is how he came into the world.

A note: for this birth we chose to attend Hypnobabies classes.  What Hypnobabies teaches is how to fully, deeply relax your body to deal with the sensations of birthing.  It also focuses on positive thinking about pregnancy and bringing your baby into this world.  You learn to perceive the sensations of birthing not as "pain" or "discomfort", because our bodies aren't sick but doing exactly what they were made to do.  You create a type of "anesthesia" in your body using a "light switch" as a tool to help your body relax and do what it needs to to birth your baby.  "On" means normal, everyday functioning.  "Off" is a state of deep relaxation and hypnosis.  There is a very good, detailed explanation here.  Ok.  On to the good stuff.

At my 37 week appointment, Monday, June 4th, I let the midwives know that I'd been having some more "real" contractions occasionally.  I was a little concerned because I was just barely at the "magical" 37 week mark that meant I could have the baby anytime and still proceed with my planned birth center birth, but I didn't want my baby to come too early for my baby to be healthy and safe.  Kathy gave me some catnip tea to help keep the contractions down- it wouldn't stop labor if I was really in for the real thing, but it would help if I had done anything to aggravate them.  I was grateful for that a couple days that week, as I really needed to get some things done but I just wasn't comfortable through the waves unless I was switched "off" laying down.  The tea did help me have a lot fewer contractions, but about Friday I decided to just let my body do what it was doing and trust that my baby wouldn't come until he or she was perfectly ready.  I had lost pieces of my mucus plug all that week with them, but nothing ever regular or consistent in intensity.  Saturday things picked back up again.  (Got the last of the garden in this week too!)  On Sunday, June 10th, still more contractions, and I had some bloody show while at church.  We let the Wahlquists know things were moving along, since they would be taking care of Audrey and Ethan while we went to have our baby.  We finally pulled out the baby clothes that day too and got the last few things together for our bag.  "Just so we're ready when the time comes".  I was still pretty sure I'd make it to 40 weeks.

I had been playing with Contraction Master that weekend, just when I had a lot of them closer together or whatever.  So Sunday night, we put the kids to bed and then I kept timing the contractions, which had become consistent in intensity but not length.  I was doing great switching "off" during them, and I wasn't uncomfortable at all.  About 9ish I finally said something to Thomas about them- they were averaging about 7 minutes apart.  I went and laid down on the bed to see if that did anything. They slowed a little but not a ton, so about 10:30 we got in touch with the midwife on call, which happened to be Valerie. We updated her and she told me to keep laying down and call her in a half hour to see where we were at.  We were excited- we knew we would probably have a baby soon!  We laughed, talked, and played cribbage.  We also got a few other things together, just in case we had a baby that night!  Over the next hour my contractions slowed down more so we called Valerie and decided to call it a night and try and get some sleep.  We did the whole bedtime routine and turned out the lights. 

I decided to listen on a Hypnobabies track or two to help myself fall asleep.  I tried a few different ones, Deepening and Hypnotic Childbirth #2, and maybe one other.  I just couldn't get comfortable in "off" position and laying on the bed.  I had a hard time focusing on my hypnosis too.  I gave up about 1ish and got up to go to the bathroom.  I spent about a half hour (I think- my perception of time was not very good throughout all this) on the toilet, and then I got in the shower because it just kept sounding good to me.  I stayed there for as long as I wanted to, which was until Audrey woke up and had a night terror or something.  Thomas woke up and took care of her.  He came in and found me in the shower moaning through a contraction, freaked out, calmed down, finished waking up, and then decided that it was time to get things packed and head to the birth center.  (In hindsight, I wish I'd woken him up an hour before that.  I focused so much better once he was awake.  With using Hypnobabies, I expected myself to not really need/want any words or anything from Thomas all the time, but I realize now that my focus and mental attitude was SO much better once he started supporting me that way.  But!  I am glad he got that sleep! :)

Thomas called Valerie and told her what was happening.  She agreed that we should head to the birth center and she would meet us there.  Then Thomas called the Wahlquists and McKayla came over to stay with the kids.  It was probably about 2ish at this point.  Thomas ran around with the list I prepared, gathering up all the things that we weren't able to pack (like toothbrushes).  Audrey didn't settle down again, so I went to sit with her on the couch and comforted her.  She was having a hard time with the fact that we were leaving, but by the time we left (and a couple marshmallows later) she was fine with McKayla.  We love McKayla!

Thomas got everything packed and we were off on our way to the birthing center.  Thomas put Philip Glass on in the car and I just alternated between "on" and "center" positions as I needed to.  I think we talked, but I can't remember anything we talked about.  I remember being pretty able to talk between waves, joking a bit even, but not the same as earlier in the night.  We arrived at the birthing center in Rigby about the same time as Valerie did.  She lives in Idaho Falls, so it took us about the same amount of time to get there.  I'm not sure how fast Thomas was driving either... but I bet he was speeding.  :)  Christine (midwife's assistant) was already there and had set up the blue room for us, with the tub filling up already.  Thomas unpacked the car with all our things, our bag of clothes, food, the birth ball, my pillows, etc.  I wasn't sure what I'd want in labor.  (In retrospect, I wish I had listened to the "Birth Guide, Easy First Stage" in the car ride to the birth center, but that totally didn't enter my mind at all at this point.  After this I didn't really follow the "plan" Hypnobabies lays out, for you to listen to specific tracks at different points in your labor.)

I sat in the big, comfy rocking chair while Valerie took my vitals and the jacuzzi tub was filling up.  It was nice.  I had an impulse to sit on the birthing ball during this time, but I didn't.  It took me a few minutes to feel really comfortable in the birthing center.  I felt a little out of sorts, not really uncomfortable or awkward, but just... to settle in and feel at home in my birthing time like I felt in my own home it took a few minutes.  After she took my vitals, Valerie said I could get in the tub as long as it didn't slow down my contractions.  She had Thomas help me time them- I would tell him when one started and ended and he did the rest.  I have no idea how far apart they were- my perception of time just wasn't important to me, just focusing on riding one wave at a time.  For awhile in the tub I was still in fairly good spirits between contractions, eating crackers or granola bars or popsicles, drinking juice or tea, and talking to Thomas.  During each wave, he would give me encouragement and help me focus through it.  Can't say I remember a thing he said to me during each one, but it was so helpful to have him there.  I loved being in the tub!  It was SOOOO nice.  It was much easier to deal with each wave and I felt so much calmer.  I got out of the tub twice to go to the bathroom and each time I would shake and throw up.  I hated being on the toilet- I couldn't wait to get back in the water.  I remember thinking after the second time that if I had to go again I would just pee in the tub- it was just not fun.  The tub was much better.

Lovin' that tub while Valerie checks my blood pressure.

Back in the tub, I eventually got to a point where I stopped wanting to eat between contractions, and I didn't feel like talking anymore between them- I just rested between them and was at peace enjoying the water.  The jets were on except when Valerie would check my blood pressure or listen to the baby's heart.  I remember there being music on at intervals, but I don't remember what or when.  My perception of time was really... different.  I didn't really perceive time at all that I recall.  I don't remember thinking "long" or "hard".  I didn't ever think "painful" throughout the whole thing, until crowning.  It was very intense, but the pressure waves weren't unmanageable at all.  I just rode each one, swaying on my hands and knees and feeling the water around me.  I never felt overwhelmed, I didn't ever want drugs, although I do remember thinking (during a wave) that it would be great if we would just get the baby out right THEN, just cut it out- I didn't care.  It only lasted a moment.  I never said anything negative until pushing either.  Thomas was so great- getting me things to drink, providing counterpressure on my back, telling me supportive things.  It was so great.  He was amazing through the whole thing.  Somewhere in here I know Thomas put on Philip Glass again, I do remember that.

In my zone- with Valerie in the corner :)

It took several contractions (I think) for me to really feel like pushing- I think I anticipated that more than I needed to.  I remember some contractions that felt pushy just at the very end, so I know I had some practice "pushes".  I remember feeling like I did great until I actually started pushing.  Valerie asked me to shift my position so they would be able to see what was happening when I was pushing.  The tub was in a corner of the room, and just before that I'd had my head towards the room, near Thomas.  I remember once I moved, I started to feel out of control and a little scared.  I felt far away from Thomas, even though he was only a few feet away from me.  I couldn't hear his words as well from where I was then.  I have no idea what he even said to me


As I said, I felt like I started pushing earlier than I needed to, before my body really did it on its own.  I just felt compelled internally to push, rather than a physical "urge".  I do remember my body pushing like that but it was after I had pushed for a little while.  Once the baby's head began to crown I did feel pain- and I do NOT remember it feeling good to push.  I'd read a lot of stories where the woman felt like pushing took the pain away or at least felt better but I remember it hurting more to push at times.  I remember being surprised at how MUCH it hurt, I didn't expect that.  I felt that "breaking in half" or "ring of fire" feeling I've heard described.  It was really hard.  I completely lost my previous attitude and couldn't really think of anything but the pain.  As I've absorbed this birth, I've realized that I think I lost a lot of focus when I was separated physically from Thomas, and I just couldn't focus again and I felt out of control.  As I look back over the whole birthing process I realize that the times I felt most out of control and fearful were times when I was separated from Thomas somehow.  He really is my rock.  I would guess that if I had been closer to Thomas during the crowning I would have focused better.  Love that man.  :)


I started pushing and I remember laying back in the water- my back against the corner of the tub and my legs supporting my body so my bottom didn't touch the floor of the tub.  At some point my water broke with a huge pop and gush, Valerie said something about my water breaking and then I said "I felt it!!!"  They had been asking me if it had broken yet and from my "labor-land" that is what my brain gave me.  This is where I remember having the most trouble during the whole birth.  This is when I started to say negative things, like "I can't" and "it hurts" and I remember Thomas, Valerie and Chrissy all telling me "Yes you can! You ARE! You're almost there!", but that really didn't reach me in the place where I was.  I feel like I'd come off of my grounded, peaceful place and I was detached and kind of scared.  I know now my body was doing what it needed to do, and that not all of me was scared, but my mind really fought it.  They had me touch the baby's head, and I gained a bit of focus for a moment and cried "Baby? My baby!" 

There was a turning point after that, where I feel like I gained a little of my focus back.  The last contraction pushing in that position, floating on my back, I found the word "peace" in my mind.  I may have said it out loud even.  After that I immediately flipped onto my hands and knees (but I don't remember deciding to do so) and I remember Valerie saying "There you go!"  I was encouraged and I don't remember hurting as much after that.  It took about a half hour total for his head to come out- which was longer than I expected and probably was contributed to by my mental block.  After I flipped onto my hands and knees I pushed out his head, but I pushed it out above the water because of my position so I had to birth the rest of him above water also.  (Babies born underwater won't breathe until their faces touch air, so since his head had been born above the water the rest of him needed to be born above the water also.)  Thomas helped support my left leg as I now had one knee on the floor of the tub and one foot out on the side of the tub to keep Christian's head out of the water.

I'm not sure how many actual contractions I had, because I don't remember feeling them in the same way at this stage.  All I really remember is the pushing, just pushing, pushing.  Towards the end the waves did help me push him out.  Almost like he was being pulled downwards and out of me.  I also remember Christian kicking inside as I was pushing him out.  Pushing out his body was harder than I expected also.  I expected it to be like Ethan, where his head came out in two pushes and then his body just slid right out afterwards.  Once I did push him out, I immediately said "what do i do now????"  :)  Thomas said "It's a boy!!!" and he sounded so happy.  Valerie had him in her hands and I flipped over and I scooted over to the close side of the tub and held him.

Giving the little man some air

 

Christian Michael was born at 7:03 on June 11th, weighing 9 lbs 1oz and 20" long.  He was 38 weeks gestation, but the length of his fingernails, how little vernix he had, and the dry, papery skin on his hands and feet drew remarks from Chrissy that she had seen similar on 41+ week babies.  I was measuring 41 weeks at my 37 week appointment, but I had measured large throughout the pregnancy.  With Audrey and Ethan I measured small consistently, so every pregnancy really is different, even for the same woman!

Christian was very quiet when he was born.  He didn't cry and didn't move, but his heart tones and color were good and he started breathing just fine after a little help from the ambu-bag.  Valerie and Chrissy were most concerned with his lack of muscle tone.  He was just kinda floppy for a bit.  They gave him some oxygen from a little tube, rubbed him and eventually he came around.  It just took him a little while to adjust to earth-side life. He was also very sleepy for a couple days after being born.  All that hard work made him tired!

I had a few minutes where I really didn't realize he was there.  He was in my arms, but I didn't recognize him or really pay attention for a few minutes.  I mean, I obviously pushed him out and I knew that, but there was a moment where I went- "Hey!  It's you!  I pushed you out and now you're here!"  I think we even have that moment on video.  I read this post and she talks about that moment- the pause between birth and acceptance of the child by the mother.  It made a lot more sense to me in that light.

I don't think it was very long before I birthed the placenta.  I know it sounds kind of weird, but I really felt connected to my placenta this pregnancy (ba-dum-chhh... I know...).  I actually felt a little sad to throw it out, almost missing it after it was gone, even though it wasn't needed to sustain my baby anymore.  Now I think what I was feeling was deep respect and awe I have for my body and what it did to nurture and grow my sweet Christian.  I still feel respect, although I wouldn't say I miss it anymore, but I do remember feeling like that just after his birth.

Once the placenta was birthed, Thomas helped Valerie clamp and cut the cord.  I handed the baby off to Thomas and they drained the tub so they could clean me up.  Valerie says I didn't lose an abnormal amount of blood, but this is when I started feeling dizzy.  I remember shampooing my hair and then getting dizzy, and things got a little fuzzy.  They pulled me out of the tub and laid me on the floor on some chux pads.  Valerie gave me some kind of herbal tincture for hemorrhage that really burned going down (the alcohol in it, she said).  We also agreed to a shot of pitocin after things still weren't improving (note: I wondered if this contributed to my afterpains, which were HORRIBLE this time.  Any other multiparous moms have any experience with this?).

Making faces at Chrissy!

I stayed on the floor for awhile, ate grapes, cheese and wheat thins along with sips of juice.  (I can't believe it took me this long in life to discover grapes and cheese!)  I felt very strange being so far away from my baby for so long.  I also felt very tired and I wanted to sleep.  Thomas was on the floor with me for part of the time, and Christian was on the bed being entertained by Chrissy.  After a while I moved to the bed so I could be more comfortable and I really just wanted to hold my baby.  I learned to nurse while laying down and we got him to eat.  He did really well once he figured out that was how to get food, and he's my best nurser so far (he is 1 month old at the time of this writing).  He was very sleepy for the first couple of days, so I did have to wake him up so he could eat every couple hours.  Since then he's had no problem being convinced to eat! :)

We stayed at the birth center longer than we had planned because I still got dizzy every time I sat up.  Thomas went to Me 'n Stan's to get us our "stork dinner" post-baby meal.  My favorite part was the huge chocolate milkshake... I always seem to have one postpartum.  Valerie told me we could go home when I could get up to pee without getting dizzy.  We finally left about 5ish!  Went to go buy diapers (the cloth ones we'd ordered still hadn't come!) and met the kids at home.  Whew!  :)

The blue room where Christian was born

More blue room

The tub!

Orange Rolls

These are amazing.  Wow.  We loved these!  We liked them so much better than cinnamon rolls, which have a tendency to be overly-sweet.  These were great because the tang of the orange balances the sweetness perfectly.  Make them- and then make everything else on Mel's website. :)  I swear I have at least half of her recipes bookmarked... and then half of my recipe box is from her site...

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

I made this for Thomas for his Valentine's surprise because he LOVES mint chocolate chip ice cream.  It was super simple and it turned out delicious.  I made one more quart than the original recipe does, so I used 2 cups of whole milk, 2 cups of half and half, and 2 cups of heavy cream.  The rest I did 1 1/2 times what the recipe gave amounts for.  It turned out delicious!  It got the supreme "Thomas seal of approval", and he was very sad when it was all gone.  I would definitely say to use the mini chocolate chips or chocolate chunks, if you can find them- all I had were regular sized and they were too big for our taste.

Ethanism

I was holding Ethan on my lap today and he told me this story:

He saw a picture of Jesus on our wall he must never have noticed before.  He pointed and said: "Jesus!"
I say, "yes, that's right!"
Then he says: "Jesus.  Foot.  Running.  Seen it!  Seen it!"
I repeated what I thought I heard him say and he said "Yeah."
Then he said: "People.  Running."
I asked "People are running?"  "Yeah."  "Running where?"  "Jesus.  Temple."

I am grateful for a toddler who reminds me where my priorities need to be.

Skillet Chicken & Broccoli Pasta

We had this for dinner the other night and I wanted to post a link to it- Thomas was impressed with how good this looked!  And it tasted great too!  I substituted 3 cups of macaroni for the penne, I used frozen broccoli so I had to add that a little earlier than she said, and I didn't have sun-dried tomatoes so I just used the same amount of canned petite diced.  It was very very good the first night but after 4 days of eating the leftovers I kind of burned out on it.  So be warned- it makes a LOT for this family of 2 adults and 2 littles!  I wish I could say the kids liked it but they didn't really end up eating much of it at all... *sigh* toddler pickiness.  Does it ever get better?