When I was pregnant with Christian, for the first while Thomas and I both thought it was twins. We came up with that impression independently. It grew until it really consumed me to the point of me freaking out about having my planned birth center birth, since in Idaho you cannot deliver twins anywhere but in a hospital and THAT really freaked me out. I scheduled an appt with my old OB to have an ultrasound, but cancelled two days later it because I just couldn't do it. Finally around 12ish weeks I went to the midwife to see if she felt two babies in there. I felt silly going, because that week I'd started to question if it really was twins, doubting what I'd felt so sure about earlier. She only felt one, and there was only one heartbeat, which by that time I figured was probably the case. The pregnancy was normal other than that. But now, after Christian was born, there are still times I look around wondering in a sudden panic, “Where’s the other one???” It always seems to be a girl baby that I instinctively look for, which is how I pictured the “baby” in my hypnosis sessions. I pictured a girl with dark brown hair like me, about 5 years old at first. Then it changed to a little baby of unknown gender. I still feel that "where's the other one???" ... like... multiple times a day. Ethan has asked me before "Where's the other one?" he never explained it but he did ask and then moved on to another question. This morning he gave me a silky, gave Christian a silky, and then said "This one's for the twin". I'm not sure what he meant because he wouldn't explain it, but... I really wonder if there were twins in there and one didn't take. I know it's incredibly common to have it happen, usually before we could even know about it. I don't feel sad or feel I am missing a piece of our family, because I know there will be more children to meet me one day, but it does make me thoughtful.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Thinking Double
When I was pregnant with Christian, for the first while Thomas and I both thought it was twins. We came up with that impression independently. It grew until it really consumed me to the point of me freaking out about having my planned birth center birth, since in Idaho you cannot deliver twins anywhere but in a hospital and THAT really freaked me out. I scheduled an appt with my old OB to have an ultrasound, but cancelled two days later it because I just couldn't do it. Finally around 12ish weeks I went to the midwife to see if she felt two babies in there. I felt silly going, because that week I'd started to question if it really was twins, doubting what I'd felt so sure about earlier. She only felt one, and there was only one heartbeat, which by that time I figured was probably the case. The pregnancy was normal other than that. But now, after Christian was born, there are still times I look around wondering in a sudden panic, “Where’s the other one???” It always seems to be a girl baby that I instinctively look for, which is how I pictured the “baby” in my hypnosis sessions. I pictured a girl with dark brown hair like me, about 5 years old at first. Then it changed to a little baby of unknown gender. I still feel that "where's the other one???" ... like... multiple times a day. Ethan has asked me before "Where's the other one?" he never explained it but he did ask and then moved on to another question. This morning he gave me a silky, gave Christian a silky, and then said "This one's for the twin". I'm not sure what he meant because he wouldn't explain it, but... I really wonder if there were twins in there and one didn't take. I know it's incredibly common to have it happen, usually before we could even know about it. I don't feel sad or feel I am missing a piece of our family, because I know there will be more children to meet me one day, but it does make me thoughtful.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Birth Story of Christian Michael
Christian Michael Scott was born at 7:03 on Monday morning, June 11, 2012. A full 2 weeks "early", he weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce and was 20 inches long. Here is how he came into the world.
A note: for this birth we chose to attend Hypnobabies classes. What Hypnobabies teaches is how to fully, deeply relax your body to deal with the sensations of birthing. It also focuses on positive thinking about pregnancy and bringing your baby into this world. You learn to perceive the sensations of birthing not as "pain" or "discomfort", because our bodies aren't sick but doing exactly what they were made to do. You create a type of "anesthesia" in your body using a "light switch" as a tool to help your body relax and do what it needs to to birth your baby. "On" means normal, everyday functioning. "Off" is a state of deep relaxation and hypnosis. There is a very good, detailed explanation here. Ok. On to the good stuff.
At my 37 week appointment, Monday, June 4th, I let the midwives know that I'd been having some more "real" contractions occasionally. I was a little concerned because I was just barely at the "magical" 37 week mark that meant I could have the baby anytime and still proceed with my planned birth center birth, but I didn't want my baby to come too early for my baby to be healthy and safe. Kathy gave me some catnip tea to help keep the contractions down- it wouldn't stop labor if I was really in for the real thing, but it would help if I had done anything to aggravate them. I was grateful for that a couple days that week, as I really needed to get some things done but I just wasn't comfortable through the waves unless I was switched "off" laying down. The tea did help me have a lot fewer contractions, but about Friday I decided to just let my body do what it was doing and trust that my baby wouldn't come until he or she was perfectly ready. I had lost pieces of my mucus plug all that week with them, but nothing ever regular or consistent in intensity. Saturday things picked back up again. (Got the last of the garden in this week too!) On Sunday, June 10th, still more contractions, and I had some bloody show while at church. We let the Wahlquists know things were moving along, since they would be taking care of Audrey and Ethan while we went to have our baby. We finally pulled out the baby clothes that day too and got the last few things together for our bag. "Just so we're ready when the time comes". I was still pretty sure I'd make it to 40 weeks.
I had been playing with Contraction Master that weekend, just when I had a lot of them closer together or whatever. So Sunday night, we put the kids to bed and then I kept timing the contractions, which had become consistent in intensity but not length. I was doing great switching "off" during them, and I wasn't uncomfortable at all. About 9ish I finally said something to Thomas about them- they were averaging about 7 minutes apart. I went and laid down on the bed to see if that did anything. They slowed a little but not a ton, so about 10:30 we got in touch with the midwife on call, which happened to be Valerie. We updated her and she told me to keep laying down and call her in a half hour to see where we were at. We were excited- we knew we would probably have a baby soon! We laughed, talked, and played cribbage. We also got a few other things together, just in case we had a baby that night! Over the next hour my contractions slowed down more so we called Valerie and decided to call it a night and try and get some sleep. We did the whole bedtime routine and turned out the lights.
I decided to listen on a Hypnobabies track or two to help myself fall asleep. I tried a few different ones, Deepening and Hypnotic Childbirth #2, and maybe one other. I just couldn't get comfortable in "off" position and laying on the bed. I had a hard time focusing on my hypnosis too. I gave up about 1ish and got up to go to the bathroom. I spent about a half hour (I think- my perception of time was not very good throughout all this) on the toilet, and then I got in the shower because it just kept sounding good to me. I stayed there for as long as I wanted to, which was until Audrey woke up and had a night terror or something. Thomas woke up and took care of her. He came in and found me in the shower moaning through a contraction, freaked out, calmed down, finished waking up, and then decided that it was time to get things packed and head to the birth center. (In hindsight, I wish I'd woken him up an hour before that. I focused so much better once he was awake. With using Hypnobabies, I expected myself to not really need/want any words or anything from Thomas all the time, but I realize now that my focus and mental attitude was SO much better once he started supporting me that way. But! I am glad he got that sleep! :)
Thomas called Valerie and told her what was happening. She agreed that we should head to the birth center and she would meet us there. Then Thomas called the Wahlquists and McKayla came over to stay with the kids. It was probably about 2ish at this point. Thomas ran around with the list I prepared, gathering up all the things that we weren't able to pack (like toothbrushes). Audrey didn't settle down again, so I went to sit with her on the couch and comforted her. She was having a hard time with the fact that we were leaving, but by the time we left (and a couple marshmallows later) she was fine with McKayla. We love McKayla!
Thomas got everything packed and we were off on our way to the birthing center. Thomas put Philip Glass on in the car and I just alternated between "on" and "center" positions as I needed to. I think we talked, but I can't remember anything we talked about. I remember being pretty able to talk between waves, joking a bit even, but not the same as earlier in the night. We arrived at the birthing center in Rigby about the same time as Valerie did. She lives in Idaho Falls, so it took us about the same amount of time to get there. I'm not sure how fast Thomas was driving either... but I bet he was speeding. :) Christine (midwife's assistant) was already there and had set up the blue room for us, with the tub filling up already. Thomas unpacked the car with all our things, our bag of clothes, food, the birth ball, my pillows, etc. I wasn't sure what I'd want in labor. (In retrospect, I wish I had listened to the "Birth Guide, Easy First Stage" in the car ride to the birth center, but that totally didn't enter my mind at all at this point. After this I didn't really follow the "plan" Hypnobabies lays out, for you to listen to specific tracks at different points in your labor.)
I sat in the big, comfy rocking chair while Valerie took my vitals and the jacuzzi tub was filling up. It was nice. I had an impulse to sit on the birthing ball during this time, but I didn't. It took me a few minutes to feel really comfortable in the birthing center. I felt a little out of sorts, not really uncomfortable or awkward, but just... to settle in and feel at home in my birthing time like I felt in my own home it took a few minutes. After she took my vitals, Valerie said I could get in the tub as long as it didn't slow down my contractions. She had Thomas help me time them- I would tell him when one started and ended and he did the rest. I have no idea how far apart they were- my perception of time just wasn't important to me, just focusing on riding one wave at a time. For awhile in the tub I was still in fairly good spirits between contractions, eating crackers or granola bars or popsicles, drinking juice or tea, and talking to Thomas. During each wave, he would give me encouragement and help me focus through it. Can't say I remember a thing he said to me during each one, but it was so helpful to have him there. I loved being in the tub! It was SOOOO nice. It was much easier to deal with each wave and I felt so much calmer. I got out of the tub twice to go to the bathroom and each time I would shake and throw up. I hated being on the toilet- I couldn't wait to get back in the water. I remember thinking after the second time that if I had to go again I would just pee in the tub- it was just not fun. The tub was much better.
Back in the tub, I eventually got to a point where I stopped wanting to eat between contractions, and I didn't feel like talking anymore between them- I just rested between them and was at peace enjoying the water. The jets were on except when Valerie would check my blood pressure or listen to the baby's heart. I remember there being music on at intervals, but I don't remember what or when. My perception of time was really... different. I didn't really perceive time at all that I recall. I don't remember thinking "long" or "hard". I didn't ever think "painful" throughout the whole thing, until crowning. It was very intense, but the pressure waves weren't unmanageable at all. I just rode each one, swaying on my hands and knees and feeling the water around me. I never felt overwhelmed, I didn't ever want drugs, although I do remember thinking (during a wave) that it would be great if we would just get the baby out right THEN, just cut it out- I didn't care. It only lasted a moment. I never said anything negative until pushing either. Thomas was so great- getting me things to drink, providing counterpressure on my back, telling me supportive things. It was so great. He was amazing through the whole thing. Somewhere in here I know Thomas put on Philip Glass again, I do remember that.
It took several contractions (I think) for me to really feel like pushing- I think I anticipated that more than I needed to. I remember some contractions that felt pushy just at the very end, so I know I had some practice "pushes". I remember feeling like I did great until I actually started pushing. Valerie asked me to shift my position so they would be able to see what was happening when I was pushing. The tub was in a corner of the room, and just before that I'd had my head towards the room, near Thomas. I remember once I moved, I started to feel out of control and a little scared. I felt far away from Thomas, even though he was only a few feet away from me. I couldn't hear his words as well from where I was then. I have no idea what he even said to me
As I said, I felt like I started pushing earlier than I needed to, before my body really did it on its own. I just felt compelled internally to push, rather than a physical "urge". I do remember my body pushing like that but it was after I had pushed for a little while. Once the baby's head began to crown I did feel pain- and I do NOT remember it feeling good to push. I'd read a lot of stories where the woman felt like pushing took the pain away or at least felt better but I remember it hurting more to push at times. I remember being surprised at how MUCH it hurt, I didn't expect that. I felt that "breaking in half" or "ring of fire" feeling I've heard described. It was really hard. I completely lost my previous attitude and couldn't really think of anything but the pain. As I've absorbed this birth, I've realized that I think I lost a lot of focus when I was separated physically from Thomas, and I just couldn't focus again and I felt out of control. As I look back over the whole birthing process I realize that the times I felt most out of control and fearful were times when I was separated from Thomas somehow. He really is my rock. I would guess that if I had been closer to Thomas during the crowning I would have focused better. Love that man. :)
I started pushing and I remember laying back in the water- my back against the corner of the tub and my legs supporting my body so my bottom didn't touch the floor of the tub. At some point my water broke with a huge pop and gush, Valerie said something about my water breaking and then I said "I felt it!!!" They had been asking me if it had broken yet and from my "labor-land" that is what my brain gave me. This is where I remember having the most trouble during the whole birth. This is when I started to say negative things, like "I can't" and "it hurts" and I remember Thomas, Valerie and Chrissy all telling me "Yes you can! You ARE! You're almost there!", but that really didn't reach me in the place where I was. I feel like I'd come off of my grounded, peaceful place and I was detached and kind of scared. I know now my body was doing what it needed to do, and that not all of me was scared, but my mind really fought it. They had me touch the baby's head, and I gained a bit of focus for a moment and cried "Baby? My baby!"
There was a turning point after that, where I feel like I gained a little of my focus back. The last contraction pushing in that position, floating on my back, I found the word "peace" in my mind. I may have said it out loud even. After that I immediately flipped onto my hands and knees (but I don't remember deciding to do so) and I remember Valerie saying "There you go!" I was encouraged and I don't remember hurting as much after that. It took about a half hour total for his head to come out- which was longer than I expected and probably was contributed to by my mental block. After I flipped onto my hands and knees I pushed out his head, but I pushed it out above the water because of my position so I had to birth the rest of him above water also. (Babies born underwater won't breathe until their faces touch air, so since his head had been born above the water the rest of him needed to be born above the water also.) Thomas helped support my left leg as I now had one knee on the floor of the tub and one foot out on the side of the tub to keep Christian's head out of the water.
I'm not sure how many actual contractions I had, because I don't remember feeling them in the same way at this stage. All I really remember is the pushing, just pushing, pushing. Towards the end the waves did help me push him out. Almost like he was being pulled downwards and out of me. I also remember Christian kicking inside as I was pushing him out. Pushing out his body was harder than I expected also. I expected it to be like Ethan, where his head came out in two pushes and then his body just slid right out afterwards. Once I did push him out, I immediately said "what do i do now????" :) Thomas said "It's a boy!!!" and he sounded so happy. Valerie had him in her hands and I flipped over and I scooted over to the close side of the tub and held him.
Christian Michael was born at 7:03 on June 11th, weighing 9 lbs 1oz and 20" long. He was 38 weeks gestation, but the length of his fingernails, how little vernix he had, and the dry, papery skin on his hands and feet drew remarks from Chrissy that she had seen similar on 41+ week babies. I was measuring 41 weeks at my 37 week appointment, but I had measured large throughout the pregnancy. With Audrey and Ethan I measured small consistently, so every pregnancy really is different, even for the same woman!
Christian was very quiet when he was born. He didn't cry and didn't move, but his heart tones and color were good and he started breathing just fine after a little help from the ambu-bag. Valerie and Chrissy were most concerned with his lack of muscle tone. He was just kinda floppy for a bit. They gave him some oxygen from a little tube, rubbed him and eventually he came around. It just took him a little while to adjust to earth-side life. He was also very sleepy for a couple days after being born. All that hard work made him tired!
I had a few minutes where I really didn't realize he was there. He was in my arms, but I didn't recognize him or really pay attention for a few minutes. I mean, I obviously pushed him out and I knew that, but there was a moment where I went- "Hey! It's you! I pushed you out and now you're here!" I think we even have that moment on video. I read this post and she talks about that moment- the pause between birth and acceptance of the child by the mother. It made a lot more sense to me in that light.
I don't think it was very long before I birthed the placenta. I know it sounds kind of weird, but I really felt connected to my placenta this pregnancy (ba-dum-chhh... I know...). I actually felt a little sad to throw it out, almost missing it after it was gone, even though it wasn't needed to sustain my baby anymore. Now I think what I was feeling was deep respect and awe I have for my body and what it did to nurture and grow my sweet Christian. I still feel respect, although I wouldn't say I miss it anymore, but I do remember feeling like that just after his birth.
Once the placenta was birthed, Thomas helped Valerie clamp and cut the cord. I handed the baby off to Thomas and they drained the tub so they could clean me up. Valerie says I didn't lose an abnormal amount of blood, but this is when I started feeling dizzy. I remember shampooing my hair and then getting dizzy, and things got a little fuzzy. They pulled me out of the tub and laid me on the floor on some chux pads. Valerie gave me some kind of herbal tincture for hemorrhage that really burned going down (the alcohol in it, she said). We also agreed to a shot of pitocin after things still weren't improving (note: I wondered if this contributed to my afterpains, which were HORRIBLE this time. Any other multiparous moms have any experience with this?).
I stayed on the floor for awhile, ate grapes, cheese and wheat thins along with sips of juice. (I can't believe it took me this long in life to discover grapes and cheese!) I felt very strange being so far away from my baby for so long. I also felt very tired and I wanted to sleep. Thomas was on the floor with me for part of the time, and Christian was on the bed being entertained by Chrissy. After a while I moved to the bed so I could be more comfortable and I really just wanted to hold my baby. I learned to nurse while laying down and we got him to eat. He did really well once he figured out that was how to get food, and he's my best nurser so far (he is 1 month old at the time of this writing). He was very sleepy for the first couple of days, so I did have to wake him up so he could eat every couple hours. Since then he's had no problem being convinced to eat! :)
We stayed at the birth center longer than we had planned because I still got dizzy every time I sat up. Thomas went to Me 'n Stan's to get us our "stork dinner" post-baby meal. My favorite part was the huge chocolate milkshake... I always seem to have one postpartum. Valerie told me we could go home when I could get up to pee without getting dizzy. We finally left about 5ish! Went to go buy diapers (the cloth ones we'd ordered still hadn't come!) and met the kids at home. Whew! :)
A note: for this birth we chose to attend Hypnobabies classes. What Hypnobabies teaches is how to fully, deeply relax your body to deal with the sensations of birthing. It also focuses on positive thinking about pregnancy and bringing your baby into this world. You learn to perceive the sensations of birthing not as "pain" or "discomfort", because our bodies aren't sick but doing exactly what they were made to do. You create a type of "anesthesia" in your body using a "light switch" as a tool to help your body relax and do what it needs to to birth your baby. "On" means normal, everyday functioning. "Off" is a state of deep relaxation and hypnosis. There is a very good, detailed explanation here. Ok. On to the good stuff.
At my 37 week appointment, Monday, June 4th, I let the midwives know that I'd been having some more "real" contractions occasionally. I was a little concerned because I was just barely at the "magical" 37 week mark that meant I could have the baby anytime and still proceed with my planned birth center birth, but I didn't want my baby to come too early for my baby to be healthy and safe. Kathy gave me some catnip tea to help keep the contractions down- it wouldn't stop labor if I was really in for the real thing, but it would help if I had done anything to aggravate them. I was grateful for that a couple days that week, as I really needed to get some things done but I just wasn't comfortable through the waves unless I was switched "off" laying down. The tea did help me have a lot fewer contractions, but about Friday I decided to just let my body do what it was doing and trust that my baby wouldn't come until he or she was perfectly ready. I had lost pieces of my mucus plug all that week with them, but nothing ever regular or consistent in intensity. Saturday things picked back up again. (Got the last of the garden in this week too!) On Sunday, June 10th, still more contractions, and I had some bloody show while at church. We let the Wahlquists know things were moving along, since they would be taking care of Audrey and Ethan while we went to have our baby. We finally pulled out the baby clothes that day too and got the last few things together for our bag. "Just so we're ready when the time comes". I was still pretty sure I'd make it to 40 weeks.
I had been playing with Contraction Master that weekend, just when I had a lot of them closer together or whatever. So Sunday night, we put the kids to bed and then I kept timing the contractions, which had become consistent in intensity but not length. I was doing great switching "off" during them, and I wasn't uncomfortable at all. About 9ish I finally said something to Thomas about them- they were averaging about 7 minutes apart. I went and laid down on the bed to see if that did anything. They slowed a little but not a ton, so about 10:30 we got in touch with the midwife on call, which happened to be Valerie. We updated her and she told me to keep laying down and call her in a half hour to see where we were at. We were excited- we knew we would probably have a baby soon! We laughed, talked, and played cribbage. We also got a few other things together, just in case we had a baby that night! Over the next hour my contractions slowed down more so we called Valerie and decided to call it a night and try and get some sleep. We did the whole bedtime routine and turned out the lights.
I decided to listen on a Hypnobabies track or two to help myself fall asleep. I tried a few different ones, Deepening and Hypnotic Childbirth #2, and maybe one other. I just couldn't get comfortable in "off" position and laying on the bed. I had a hard time focusing on my hypnosis too. I gave up about 1ish and got up to go to the bathroom. I spent about a half hour (I think- my perception of time was not very good throughout all this) on the toilet, and then I got in the shower because it just kept sounding good to me. I stayed there for as long as I wanted to, which was until Audrey woke up and had a night terror or something. Thomas woke up and took care of her. He came in and found me in the shower moaning through a contraction, freaked out, calmed down, finished waking up, and then decided that it was time to get things packed and head to the birth center. (In hindsight, I wish I'd woken him up an hour before that. I focused so much better once he was awake. With using Hypnobabies, I expected myself to not really need/want any words or anything from Thomas all the time, but I realize now that my focus and mental attitude was SO much better once he started supporting me that way. But! I am glad he got that sleep! :)
Thomas called Valerie and told her what was happening. She agreed that we should head to the birth center and she would meet us there. Then Thomas called the Wahlquists and McKayla came over to stay with the kids. It was probably about 2ish at this point. Thomas ran around with the list I prepared, gathering up all the things that we weren't able to pack (like toothbrushes). Audrey didn't settle down again, so I went to sit with her on the couch and comforted her. She was having a hard time with the fact that we were leaving, but by the time we left (and a couple marshmallows later) she was fine with McKayla. We love McKayla!
Thomas got everything packed and we were off on our way to the birthing center. Thomas put Philip Glass on in the car and I just alternated between "on" and "center" positions as I needed to. I think we talked, but I can't remember anything we talked about. I remember being pretty able to talk between waves, joking a bit even, but not the same as earlier in the night. We arrived at the birthing center in Rigby about the same time as Valerie did. She lives in Idaho Falls, so it took us about the same amount of time to get there. I'm not sure how fast Thomas was driving either... but I bet he was speeding. :) Christine (midwife's assistant) was already there and had set up the blue room for us, with the tub filling up already. Thomas unpacked the car with all our things, our bag of clothes, food, the birth ball, my pillows, etc. I wasn't sure what I'd want in labor. (In retrospect, I wish I had listened to the "Birth Guide, Easy First Stage" in the car ride to the birth center, but that totally didn't enter my mind at all at this point. After this I didn't really follow the "plan" Hypnobabies lays out, for you to listen to specific tracks at different points in your labor.)
I sat in the big, comfy rocking chair while Valerie took my vitals and the jacuzzi tub was filling up. It was nice. I had an impulse to sit on the birthing ball during this time, but I didn't. It took me a few minutes to feel really comfortable in the birthing center. I felt a little out of sorts, not really uncomfortable or awkward, but just... to settle in and feel at home in my birthing time like I felt in my own home it took a few minutes. After she took my vitals, Valerie said I could get in the tub as long as it didn't slow down my contractions. She had Thomas help me time them- I would tell him when one started and ended and he did the rest. I have no idea how far apart they were- my perception of time just wasn't important to me, just focusing on riding one wave at a time. For awhile in the tub I was still in fairly good spirits between contractions, eating crackers or granola bars or popsicles, drinking juice or tea, and talking to Thomas. During each wave, he would give me encouragement and help me focus through it. Can't say I remember a thing he said to me during each one, but it was so helpful to have him there. I loved being in the tub! It was SOOOO nice. It was much easier to deal with each wave and I felt so much calmer. I got out of the tub twice to go to the bathroom and each time I would shake and throw up. I hated being on the toilet- I couldn't wait to get back in the water. I remember thinking after the second time that if I had to go again I would just pee in the tub- it was just not fun. The tub was much better.
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| Lovin' that tub while Valerie checks my blood pressure. |
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| In my zone- with Valerie in the corner :) |
As I said, I felt like I started pushing earlier than I needed to, before my body really did it on its own. I just felt compelled internally to push, rather than a physical "urge". I do remember my body pushing like that but it was after I had pushed for a little while. Once the baby's head began to crown I did feel pain- and I do NOT remember it feeling good to push. I'd read a lot of stories where the woman felt like pushing took the pain away or at least felt better but I remember it hurting more to push at times. I remember being surprised at how MUCH it hurt, I didn't expect that. I felt that "breaking in half" or "ring of fire" feeling I've heard described. It was really hard. I completely lost my previous attitude and couldn't really think of anything but the pain. As I've absorbed this birth, I've realized that I think I lost a lot of focus when I was separated physically from Thomas, and I just couldn't focus again and I felt out of control. As I look back over the whole birthing process I realize that the times I felt most out of control and fearful were times when I was separated from Thomas somehow. He really is my rock. I would guess that if I had been closer to Thomas during the crowning I would have focused better. Love that man. :)
I started pushing and I remember laying back in the water- my back against the corner of the tub and my legs supporting my body so my bottom didn't touch the floor of the tub. At some point my water broke with a huge pop and gush, Valerie said something about my water breaking and then I said "I felt it!!!" They had been asking me if it had broken yet and from my "labor-land" that is what my brain gave me. This is where I remember having the most trouble during the whole birth. This is when I started to say negative things, like "I can't" and "it hurts" and I remember Thomas, Valerie and Chrissy all telling me "Yes you can! You ARE! You're almost there!", but that really didn't reach me in the place where I was. I feel like I'd come off of my grounded, peaceful place and I was detached and kind of scared. I know now my body was doing what it needed to do, and that not all of me was scared, but my mind really fought it. They had me touch the baby's head, and I gained a bit of focus for a moment and cried "Baby? My baby!"
There was a turning point after that, where I feel like I gained a little of my focus back. The last contraction pushing in that position, floating on my back, I found the word "peace" in my mind. I may have said it out loud even. After that I immediately flipped onto my hands and knees (but I don't remember deciding to do so) and I remember Valerie saying "There you go!" I was encouraged and I don't remember hurting as much after that. It took about a half hour total for his head to come out- which was longer than I expected and probably was contributed to by my mental block. After I flipped onto my hands and knees I pushed out his head, but I pushed it out above the water because of my position so I had to birth the rest of him above water also. (Babies born underwater won't breathe until their faces touch air, so since his head had been born above the water the rest of him needed to be born above the water also.) Thomas helped support my left leg as I now had one knee on the floor of the tub and one foot out on the side of the tub to keep Christian's head out of the water.
I'm not sure how many actual contractions I had, because I don't remember feeling them in the same way at this stage. All I really remember is the pushing, just pushing, pushing. Towards the end the waves did help me push him out. Almost like he was being pulled downwards and out of me. I also remember Christian kicking inside as I was pushing him out. Pushing out his body was harder than I expected also. I expected it to be like Ethan, where his head came out in two pushes and then his body just slid right out afterwards. Once I did push him out, I immediately said "what do i do now????" :) Thomas said "It's a boy!!!" and he sounded so happy. Valerie had him in her hands and I flipped over and I scooted over to the close side of the tub and held him.
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| Giving the little man some air |
Christian Michael was born at 7:03 on June 11th, weighing 9 lbs 1oz and 20" long. He was 38 weeks gestation, but the length of his fingernails, how little vernix he had, and the dry, papery skin on his hands and feet drew remarks from Chrissy that she had seen similar on 41+ week babies. I was measuring 41 weeks at my 37 week appointment, but I had measured large throughout the pregnancy. With Audrey and Ethan I measured small consistently, so every pregnancy really is different, even for the same woman!
Christian was very quiet when he was born. He didn't cry and didn't move, but his heart tones and color were good and he started breathing just fine after a little help from the ambu-bag. Valerie and Chrissy were most concerned with his lack of muscle tone. He was just kinda floppy for a bit. They gave him some oxygen from a little tube, rubbed him and eventually he came around. It just took him a little while to adjust to earth-side life. He was also very sleepy for a couple days after being born. All that hard work made him tired!
I had a few minutes where I really didn't realize he was there. He was in my arms, but I didn't recognize him or really pay attention for a few minutes. I mean, I obviously pushed him out and I knew that, but there was a moment where I went- "Hey! It's you! I pushed you out and now you're here!" I think we even have that moment on video. I read this post and she talks about that moment- the pause between birth and acceptance of the child by the mother. It made a lot more sense to me in that light.
I don't think it was very long before I birthed the placenta. I know it sounds kind of weird, but I really felt connected to my placenta this pregnancy (ba-dum-chhh... I know...). I actually felt a little sad to throw it out, almost missing it after it was gone, even though it wasn't needed to sustain my baby anymore. Now I think what I was feeling was deep respect and awe I have for my body and what it did to nurture and grow my sweet Christian. I still feel respect, although I wouldn't say I miss it anymore, but I do remember feeling like that just after his birth.
Once the placenta was birthed, Thomas helped Valerie clamp and cut the cord. I handed the baby off to Thomas and they drained the tub so they could clean me up. Valerie says I didn't lose an abnormal amount of blood, but this is when I started feeling dizzy. I remember shampooing my hair and then getting dizzy, and things got a little fuzzy. They pulled me out of the tub and laid me on the floor on some chux pads. Valerie gave me some kind of herbal tincture for hemorrhage that really burned going down (the alcohol in it, she said). We also agreed to a shot of pitocin after things still weren't improving (note: I wondered if this contributed to my afterpains, which were HORRIBLE this time. Any other multiparous moms have any experience with this?).
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| Making faces at Chrissy! |
We stayed at the birth center longer than we had planned because I still got dizzy every time I sat up. Thomas went to Me 'n Stan's to get us our "stork dinner" post-baby meal. My favorite part was the huge chocolate milkshake... I always seem to have one postpartum. Valerie told me we could go home when I could get up to pee without getting dizzy. We finally left about 5ish! Went to go buy diapers (the cloth ones we'd ordered still hadn't come!) and met the kids at home. Whew! :)
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| The blue room where Christian was born |
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| More blue room |
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| The tub! |
Monday, March 12, 2012
Orange Rolls
These are amazing. Wow. We loved these! We liked them so much better than cinnamon rolls, which have a tendency to be overly-sweet. These were great because the tang of the orange balances the sweetness perfectly. Make them- and then make everything else on Mel's website. :) I swear I have at least half of her recipes bookmarked... and then half of my recipe box is from her site...
Friday, March 9, 2012
Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
I made this for Thomas for his Valentine's surprise because he LOVES mint chocolate chip ice cream. It was super simple and it turned out delicious. I made one more quart than the original recipe does, so I used 2 cups of whole milk, 2 cups of half and half, and 2 cups of heavy cream. The rest I did 1 1/2 times what the recipe gave amounts for. It turned out delicious! It got the supreme "Thomas seal of approval", and he was very sad when it was all gone. I would definitely say to use the mini chocolate chips or chocolate chunks, if you can find them- all I had were regular sized and they were too big for our taste.
Ethanism
I was holding Ethan on my lap today and he told me this story:
He saw a picture of Jesus on our wall he must never have noticed before. He pointed and said: "Jesus!"
I say, "yes, that's right!"
Then he says: "Jesus. Foot. Running. Seen it! Seen it!"
I repeated what I thought I heard him say and he said "Yeah."
Then he said: "People. Running."
I asked "People are running?" "Yeah." "Running where?" "Jesus. Temple."
I am grateful for a toddler who reminds me where my priorities need to be.
He saw a picture of Jesus on our wall he must never have noticed before. He pointed and said: "Jesus!"
I say, "yes, that's right!"
Then he says: "Jesus. Foot. Running. Seen it! Seen it!"
I repeated what I thought I heard him say and he said "Yeah."
Then he said: "People. Running."
I asked "People are running?" "Yeah." "Running where?" "Jesus. Temple."
I am grateful for a toddler who reminds me where my priorities need to be.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Skillet Chicken & Broccoli Pasta
We had this for dinner the other night and I wanted to post a link to it- Thomas was impressed with how good this looked! And it tasted great too! I substituted 3 cups of macaroni for the penne, I used frozen broccoli so I had to add that a little earlier than she said, and I didn't have sun-dried tomatoes so I just used the same amount of canned petite diced. It was very very good the first night but after 4 days of eating the leftovers I kind of burned out on it. So be warned- it makes a LOT for this family of 2 adults and 2 littles! I wish I could say the kids liked it but they didn't really end up eating much of it at all... *sigh* toddler pickiness. Does it ever get better?
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Zucchini Muffins
This is our favorite thing to do with our garden zucchini. I just put the whole lot through my food processor with the shredding blade and bag and freeze it in 2-cup portions. My freezer is still full of shredded zucchini... as we are contemplating this summer we think we may not plant very many, if any at all!
Zucchini Muffins
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 T cinnamon
2 cups finely shredded zucchini
2 cups white sugar
1 cup oil or applesauce (or any mild-tasting fruit-puree- pear works too)
2 eggs, well beaten
1 T vanilla
Combine dry ingredients in one bowl. Combine the wet ingredients in another bowl. Add the dry to the wet, mix until no more white streaks appear. Spoon into a well-greased muffin tin (or use liners- I grease my liners too), about half-full should give you 2 dozen muffins. Bake at 350 for 18 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean or with moist crumbs. This largely depends on whether you choose oil or applesauce as your "fat" in the recipe. Applesauce gives a more moist texture, while oil makes it almost chewy. Just as long as no raw dough comes out, you're good. :)
Zucchini Muffins
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 T cinnamon
2 cups finely shredded zucchini
2 cups white sugar
1 cup oil or applesauce (or any mild-tasting fruit-puree- pear works too)
2 eggs, well beaten
1 T vanilla
Combine dry ingredients in one bowl. Combine the wet ingredients in another bowl. Add the dry to the wet, mix until no more white streaks appear. Spoon into a well-greased muffin tin (or use liners- I grease my liners too), about half-full should give you 2 dozen muffins. Bake at 350 for 18 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean or with moist crumbs. This largely depends on whether you choose oil or applesauce as your "fat" in the recipe. Applesauce gives a more moist texture, while oil makes it almost chewy. Just as long as no raw dough comes out, you're good. :)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Catch up.... from forever ago!
Well, it's been forever and then some... Sorry! Here is what our family is up to... with my promises hopes that I will be posting more often now! I want to record the sweet things that are happening to our little family.
Audrey is loving Sunbeams and being in Primary. It is so sweet to see how she is growing up and turning into a girl! Not a toddler anymore! She loves singing time and she loves to see Mommy in Sharing time (I am the secretary in Primary). Ethan doesn't love Nursery so much, but once you get him there he does just fine. Our church is at 11, which means by the time he gets to nursery he just wants to be at home, eating lunch and sleeping. Ethan is definitely not a baby anymore, but he still likes to snuggle so I pretend he's a baby sometimes... They are both getting so big! I am without a camera cord to transfer pictures to my computer currently, so you'll just have to be patient with me on that.
We are also very excited that we are expecting another baby! I'm due at the end of June and feeling great. Just over halfway now, so this is the easy part of pregnancy! Not huge, not feeling sick, but enjoying the baby kicks and baby bump.
Thomas' job changed recently from being a part-time employee to being basically 100% self-employed. The company he works for was sold to another company, and he gets to keep working for them, but he is now a consultant doing project-based work instead of a guaranteed 25 hours a week. He works a few less hours and if there isn't any work to do, he doesn't have work. MissionShoe is more of our primary income source now, and things are going well with that. It is interesting to experience a different dynamic with Thomas' job- it's kind of scary and requires a lot of faith that the Lord will take care of us. It also makes us stretch and grow in new ways, which is what mortal life is all about. :) Things are going ok- we are just living simply and trying not to spend any more money than we have to. I really don't feel like we want for anything necessary at all- we just learn to do without or replace it with something else. It's kind of neat to just NOT spend money, even if we run out of something that a few months ago, would necessitate a trip to the store to get immediately. It really makes me grateful for tithing and for food storage. We just eat lots of beans and rice and homemade bread! So don't look for too many fancy recipes on my other blog... or at least don't expect that I'm currently making all the recipes I post! I'm so grateful that we really don't want for anything. It makes me appreciate the little things! :) It also makes me really appreciate what we HAVE, instead of always wishing for a better this, or a newer that. Not that I spent a lot of time doing that- but I just realize my thoughts have changed from negative to positive. Most of the time. :)
This winter in Rexburg has not been so white! It's been more of a brown winter because it's been unnaturally warm. We finally got some winter-type weather this weekend, and ther are still a few inches of snow on the ground but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm guessing two days. We have a bunch of geese (a gaggle?) that hang out in the field across from our house. They fly to and from the river a few times a day. It's kind of neat to watch them.
Well that's all for now. I will post a few pictures next time because I just found my camera cord!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Brownies
I just invented this recipe and I think it's my favorite brownie recipe that I've made yet. I'm definitely a box-brownie fan, because I love the denseness and the chewiness and I've yet to replicate that in my kitchen, but this sure does come close for me. It's moist (and stays moist- I ate one today and it was still super soft and moist) and it has the denseness I love. I hope you like it as much as I do!
Brownies
2 squares unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, chopped (you can use margarine here too- but it changes the texture a bit. I used margarine last time and it was fine)
4 eggs
2 cups white sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
chocolate chips (opt)
nuts (opt)
Preheat the oven to 350*. Melt the butter and chocolate together, either on the stove or in the microwave at 30 second intervals (stirring between) until it's melted. Set this aside to cool.
Beat the eggs with an electric beater about 3 minutes, until they are frothy. Add in the sugar and vanilla, beat until combined. Add the chocolate and butter mixture and mix well.
BY HAND, stir in the flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. If using, add chocolate chips and/or nuts now to your liking. Stir til just combined, don't overmix it!
Pour the batter into a foil-lined, greased pan. If you use a 9x13 pan, bake the brownies for 20-25 min. If you use a 9x9 pan for thicker brownies, bake for 40-45 min. Either way, don't overbake them. They are done when the tops are glossy and cracks start to form. You can check them with a toothpick- there will be a little bit of moist crumbs on the end but that's ok, just as long as it isn't raw batter.
Cool completely in the pan before lifting the foil overhang out. Cut into squares and eat them!
Brownies
2 squares unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, chopped (you can use margarine here too- but it changes the texture a bit. I used margarine last time and it was fine)
4 eggs
2 cups white sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
chocolate chips (opt)
nuts (opt)
Preheat the oven to 350*. Melt the butter and chocolate together, either on the stove or in the microwave at 30 second intervals (stirring between) until it's melted. Set this aside to cool.
Beat the eggs with an electric beater about 3 minutes, until they are frothy. Add in the sugar and vanilla, beat until combined. Add the chocolate and butter mixture and mix well.
BY HAND, stir in the flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. If using, add chocolate chips and/or nuts now to your liking. Stir til just combined, don't overmix it!
Pour the batter into a foil-lined, greased pan. If you use a 9x13 pan, bake the brownies for 20-25 min. If you use a 9x9 pan for thicker brownies, bake for 40-45 min. Either way, don't overbake them. They are done when the tops are glossy and cracks start to form. You can check them with a toothpick- there will be a little bit of moist crumbs on the end but that's ok, just as long as it isn't raw batter.
Cool completely in the pan before lifting the foil overhang out. Cut into squares and eat them!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Audreyism
Audrey just came up to me, as I lay in my bed while we are all sick with the stomach flu, and told me a story. She said "Mom, when I was born... before I was born, I played a trumpet! And... I played a trumpet, and Mommy and Daddy were there, and they played the trumpet too! And there was a guitar... I played a guitar, and I sang a song. It was called 'do-tee-doo'. And I just played the trumpet! But then I got big, and came here. And that's the end!"
I just had to write it down- because it was awfully specific. Some of this was prompted- I asked her questions and she answered them. I just wanted to remember this. Just in case. :)
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